Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
sex in a hospital.. check
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
