Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
time to smoke my breakfast
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
