Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I touched a dick in church today
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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