i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
