just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
