I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize