My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
