I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
