You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
