Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
