After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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