Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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