wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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