i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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