Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Randomize
