Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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