shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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