Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
