you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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