I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I am puke
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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