Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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