Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
