I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
