My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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