Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
birth control should be required to get into college
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
