no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
