If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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