I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
