i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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