You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
