He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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