You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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