Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize