And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
