nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
