Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Farmville is her only friend.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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