I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize