i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
