I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
