I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
