Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
