No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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