im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Ketchup is God's man juice
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
