Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
