Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
