last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
