He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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