some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
