Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
