I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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