My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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