Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
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