Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
