woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
