I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
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