call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
