I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
