I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I lost the right to judge tonight
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
