Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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