his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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