just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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