Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
try to milk me bitch
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