This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
