then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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