Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
