Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just cropdusted the office
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
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