I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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