I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
