If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize