Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
