Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize