U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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