I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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