Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There r osticjed everywhere
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
