Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize