i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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