So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So many bounce houses so little time
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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