i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think my moral compass just broke
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