so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
