I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
