We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What a dumb baby whore.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
