He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
