if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
