When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
