I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
