Sry I called you an 8
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
