Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
