You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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