My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize